hey

hullo

so it's the school holidays now!

haha if it wasn't obvious I went on a looooong hiatus.

but I'm back! hehehe

so.. updates?

school is over, yaaaay!

I joined cheer, yaaaaaay!

I fell while doing a unsuccessful extension, yaaaaaaaay!

I hurt my arm and my back, yaaaaaaaaaaaay!

I couldn't do stunting for about 3 practices, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

Tomorrow I'll be doing stunting again, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

I'm a potato! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

So yeah. Basically, this year's holiday is reaaaaaaaally busay.

Because, I have cheer practice, every Monday and Thursday from 9 am to 11:30 am.

And have gym every Tuesday from 3 pm to 5 pm.

But I like it.

It's a little bit nerve-wrecking, to do stunting again tomorrow.

After my fall, I did try to do some more stunting but my legs were super shaky. 

I think I'll have to do cradle again tomorrow.

I'm getting better at handstands, and cartwheels, though my cartwheels are very weird and unsuccessful, but still, BETTER! :) 

Wish me luck guys!

Stunting again, tommorrowww!

Bubbyez

Oh expect an emo post after this haha

today we stayed back heh

today my group and i stayed back to finish up our group work /which we didn't finish btw lol/  and we had fun~

we talked about our first impressions of everyone and we talked about orientation day and the first few days of school, it was really fun, we joked around and I think this has been one of the very few days i had been sincerely happeyh ahaha. 

I'm feeling better too because I'm motivated to plan a reunion for my old class, hopefully this reunion actually happens haha! I really hope lots of people turn up hehe.

I'm been scheduling my holiday because I wanna finish up my homework as fast as I can, I'll be starting on Friday/Saturday. I wanna finish up fast because I actually need a HOLIDAY. haha. Like,

I'll be going back to Perlis on the first week of the holiday.

Who knows what events will be happening on the second week.

If I do my homework on the second week, I would only be left with, what? two days of a real holiday? haha! Plus, I have tons of group work to finish, which takes more days, to meet up and all. homygosh.

So yeah! Wish me luck! I'm hoping to finish all my individual homework when I'm in Perlis heheh :D

okayokay, meowpminecraft, out!~

hi haha

I'm doing better now, I've been actively keeping in touch with my best friend so I feel better.

I found someone who thinks she's just as lonely as I am, we hang out, I guess haha. She's fun to be around with, but I feel so dorky and nerdy and geekish and bookwormish. In other words, not cool haha. But overall, I guess I'm doing good now.

But schoolwork ugh.

Mmm I still really wanna meet up with them though, I miss them a lot. I never thought I'd say this, but even the guys <--- I hope they don't see this though ahah. We should definitely have a reunion, just something simple like a movie, arcade and bowling heh. And I really hope that one day they appear at one of SA's events /sigh/ #6kreatif2012

I wanna join Exclamation! >.<

But the problem is; I can't dance haha, at least, I don't think I can. I never have the time to try. 

Plus, it's be hard for them to find clothes for me and I'm too short :/ And they're so cool!

But I seriously wanna join huhu.

I got resin and I've done some of my first few pieces already! But they're still curing hahah, I can't wait for it to cure >.< 

meowp. I am less emo now hoho

OKAY RANDOM QUESTION OF THE MONTH!

CAN SOMEONE BUY ME MINECRAFT/HUNGER GAMES MINECRAFT HAHAHAHA PLEASE.

Okayokay,

meowpminecraft, out.

I guess

I'm adjusting. For real, this time. I guess 

I'm settling in now. Adjusting to the new system, the new life. 

I feel better at school now. I really do. Though sometimes I can't help but feel lonely :/

I still miss them, honestly. I'm secretly (well not so secret anymore lol) still hoping that they're planning a surprise party for me. I can't help but hope. But I can't get my hopes too high or else it'll sink down to the bottom of the ocean if they aren't planning anything. Honestly though, my hopes are so high right now. That's gonna make me a mess if they never planned anything for me. 

 

I rummaged through my old stuff last night. Like, late night. And I'm not even kidding when saying late night haha.

I took out this envelope with so many last year memories. It had been quite a while since the last time I opened it, before last night. I've always hid it in my room. No one knew where I kept it. It had photos and cards from last year, my most favourite year <3 

I just stared at those things that night. Thinking about all that's happened in that year. 

I kept the envelope back where it was. I don't know, but I have a feeling, the next time I open it, it'd be when I have met them.

Happy.

I'm in a good mood. A real, good mood. My first, in a really long time. 

All thanks to my friends, S and P :) Thank you so much, beauties. ^^ hehe

The reason I love you is all that we've been through.

You're so beautiful.

But that's not why I love you,

and I'm not sure you know,

that the reason I love you is you.

Being you.

Just you.

Yeah the reason I love you,

is all that we've been through <3

That's why I love you.

/6Kreatif2012/

I wish.

I really miss them. I miss them so much.

I wish I could turn back time. 

I'm still living in the past. I can't let go. I tried, but I'm still holding on tight. Everyone else, has moved on. Very easily, in fact. Because, they still have each other. Me, on the other hand. I have no one. 

I so desperately want to have a reunion with them. I so desperately want them to come visit me here, in my new school. 

But it never happens. Reunions? During the holidays, almost no one's free. Visits to my school's events? Never. Always the same thing; no transport. Though they could ride the LRT to Taman Paramount and cut across Taman Aman. But they wouldn't do that. They'd be too busy anyways.

The only thing that would make me feel better is to meet them. To know that they still remember me, hoping that they miss me as much as I miss them.

I wish <3

My birthday's coming up. And nothing would be a better birthday gift than a surprise dinner party planned by them, for me. In my house, maybe <3 Most of them never been to my house before. They'd have to get my parents permission though haha. All of them there. Not just the girls, but the guys too. It would be the best birthday ever, a wish come true, in fact. It doesn't have to be a fancy dinner. Even simple food would be enough. With family and friends. No birthday would be better :3

But unfortunately, that would never happen :/ They're all always so busy, they never have the time. They don't have time to kill, unlike me. 

I really do miss them. /sigh/

I can't

choose who.

which one.
I'm confused right now.

But even if I could.
Neither would happen.

Because no one likes me.
I'm not girlfriend material.
I'm a midget, from what boys tease me.
None of my crushes have ever liked me back.
No one had ever liked me before.
And I'm not pretty. Or beautiful. I'm just me.

All these, are just fantasies. Daydreams.
Things that would never happen.
Sure, lots of people call me talented.
Hey, maybe I really am.
But that doesn't cut it these days.


Now, all that matters is beauty and popularity.
And I,

have none.

do you know

what it feels like,

loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away? 

do you know what it feels like, 

to be the last one, to know the lock on the door has changed?

have you ever been so down, you can totally relate to Simple Plan's songs?

<welcome to my life>

do you ever feel like breaking down?

do you ever feel out of place?

like somehow you just don't belong,

and no one understands you?

do you ever wanna run away?

do you lock yourself in your room?

with the radio on turned up so loud,

that no one hears you're screaming?

no, you don't know what it's like,

when nothing feels all right,

you don't know what it's like,

to be like me.

to be hurt.

to feel lost.

to be left out in the dark.

to be kicked when you're down.

to feel like you've been pushed around.

to be on the edge of breaking down,

and no one's there to save you.

no, you don't know what it's like,

welcome to my life.

a little bit more relieved.

this ending, 

gave me so much more closure. 

a little bit more relieved.

hellooooo everyone (:

today I had a better day. 

today we had fun. at least, I did. 

we told each other ghost stories. some of 'em were funny too. 

I sorta pranked the class. 

I closed the metal door loudly without them knowing it was me who did it. hahaha they were all shocked. I skipped in the class and they started laughing because they got the message that I did it. Hahahaha it was fun (: 

alrightyy then. 

zalifahzarim, out!

What do I want?

Friendship. I want best friends. I want friends who can understand me. Who can accept me for who I am. Who are true. Who doesn't think I'm annoying in the way they want to avoid me. I want, a group of best friends. A group. A group who gets along with each other. Who fights but mends right after. Who will be together through thick and thin. That's the kind of friendship I want.

I felt a tiny tinge of that friendship during a camp. I didn't ever want to leave the camp. But that camp was only 3 days. After that, we never communicated. "They were just being nice." was all anyone kept telling me. I never even got a picture of us. The camp was during the holidays. After the camp, I had to return to a place where I was lonely. All over again. 

I miss the moments, memories, friendships that I had last year. But now, I'm separated from them. I'm alone. Everyone here has where they belong. Except me. I'm like a mudskipper. Jumping here and there. From one place to another. No place where I belong. People say "the right people just hasn't come yet." I know I should be patient, but I'm so lonely, I'm stressed. I'm getting bad results on all my tests, I can't think straight. People say we don't need friends but I do. And I don't know why. I'm suffering. Not physically, of course. 

I try to fit in. But because I try, people find me annoying, irritating and clingy. 

I've been playing this game for the past year, I feel like a total loner now, haha. Because when I play that game, I actually feel like I have a life. But it's fake, obviously. That's how lonely I am. 

I've been playing Persona 4 and have just finished it. I was really sad when it ended. I felt like my awesome life just ended (see how much of a loner I am?). In the game, a group of really close friends investigate a murder case, save the world while having fun. The game is my life in a nutshell haha. And it's not real. -_____- do you guys see how much of a loner I aaamm?

From left to right: Top Row: Yosuke Hanamura, Yu Narukami (MC), Kanji Tatsumi.

                      Bottom Row: Teddie, Naoto Shirogane, Chie Satonaka, Rise Kujikawa, Yukiko             

                                                 Amagi.

hello :)

hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. welcome to my blog (: