I can't

choose who.

which one.
I'm confused right now.

But even if I could.
Neither would happen.

Because no one likes me.
I'm not girlfriend material.
I'm a midget, from what boys tease me.
None of my crushes have ever liked me back.
No one had ever liked me before.
And I'm not pretty. Or beautiful. I'm just me.

All these, are just fantasies. Daydreams.
Things that would never happen.
Sure, lots of people call me talented.
Hey, maybe I really am.
But that doesn't cut it these days.


Now, all that matters is beauty and popularity.
And I,

have none.

do you know

what it feels like,

loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away? 

do you know what it feels like, 

to be the last one, to know the lock on the door has changed?

have you ever been so down, you can totally relate to Simple Plan's songs?

<welcome to my life>

do you ever feel like breaking down?

do you ever feel out of place?

like somehow you just don't belong,

and no one understands you?

do you ever wanna run away?

do you lock yourself in your room?

with the radio on turned up so loud,

that no one hears you're screaming?

no, you don't know what it's like,

when nothing feels all right,

you don't know what it's like,

to be like me.

to be hurt.

to feel lost.

to be left out in the dark.

to be kicked when you're down.

to feel like you've been pushed around.

to be on the edge of breaking down,

and no one's there to save you.

no, you don't know what it's like,

welcome to my life.

a little bit more relieved.

this ending, 

gave me so much more closure. 

a little bit more relieved.

hellooooo everyone (:

today I had a better day. 

today we had fun. at least, I did. 

we told each other ghost stories. some of 'em were funny too. 

I sorta pranked the class. 

I closed the metal door loudly without them knowing it was me who did it. hahaha they were all shocked. I skipped in the class and they started laughing because they got the message that I did it. Hahahaha it was fun (: 

alrightyy then. 

zalifahzarim, out!

What do I want?

Friendship. I want best friends. I want friends who can understand me. Who can accept me for who I am. Who are true. Who doesn't think I'm annoying in the way they want to avoid me. I want, a group of best friends. A group. A group who gets along with each other. Who fights but mends right after. Who will be together through thick and thin. That's the kind of friendship I want.

I felt a tiny tinge of that friendship during a camp. I didn't ever want to leave the camp. But that camp was only 3 days. After that, we never communicated. "They were just being nice." was all anyone kept telling me. I never even got a picture of us. The camp was during the holidays. After the camp, I had to return to a place where I was lonely. All over again. 

I miss the moments, memories, friendships that I had last year. But now, I'm separated from them. I'm alone. Everyone here has where they belong. Except me. I'm like a mudskipper. Jumping here and there. From one place to another. No place where I belong. People say "the right people just hasn't come yet." I know I should be patient, but I'm so lonely, I'm stressed. I'm getting bad results on all my tests, I can't think straight. People say we don't need friends but I do. And I don't know why. I'm suffering. Not physically, of course. 

I try to fit in. But because I try, people find me annoying, irritating and clingy. 

I've been playing this game for the past year, I feel like a total loner now, haha. Because when I play that game, I actually feel like I have a life. But it's fake, obviously. That's how lonely I am. 

I've been playing Persona 4 and have just finished it. I was really sad when it ended. I felt like my awesome life just ended (see how much of a loner I am?). In the game, a group of really close friends investigate a murder case, save the world while having fun. The game is my life in a nutshell haha. And it's not real. -_____- do you guys see how much of a loner I aaamm?

From left to right: Top Row: Yosuke Hanamura, Yu Narukami (MC), Kanji Tatsumi.

                      Bottom Row: Teddie, Naoto Shirogane, Chie Satonaka, Rise Kujikawa, Yukiko             

                                                 Amagi.